The Season I Lost Myself — and the Simple Steps That Brought Me Back

I still remember the moment I realised I didn’t feel like myself anymore.

I was exhausted, anxious, and running on autopilot — surviving on caffeine, crumbs, and sheer willpower. The house was full of noise, nappies, and tiny demands, yet I felt like a shell of who I used to be.

When I finally referred myself for mental health support, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. I didn’t even recognise how far I’d slipped until I said it out loud. Motherhood had quietly swallowed up everything — my energy, my confidence, my sense of identity.

No village, no safety net

I had no real village, no consistent help, and no one asking how I was coping. Like so many mums, I was juggling it all alone — a toddler, a newborn, endless night feeds, and a lockdown that cut off even the smallest lifelines.

There were days when getting dressed felt like climbing a mountain. Nights when I’d rock a baby in one arm, scroll through my phone in the dark, and feel utterly invisible. And still, I kept pushing through, believing this was just how motherhood was meant to feel — messy, exhausting, and selfless to the point of breaking.

But that level of depletion isn’t normal. It’s survival mode.

When everything stopped

At one point, I had to make the hardest decision — to pause my dream of starting a business. I’d wanted to help new mums long before New Mum Wellness existed, but I had nothing left to give. I needed to take care of myself first.

It felt like failure at the time, but it was actually the first act of real self-care I’d ever allowed myself.

Understanding my “stress bucket”

During my CBT sessions, I was introduced to the idea of the stress bucket — and it changed everything.

Every small worry, sleepless night, or unspoken pressure adds drops to your bucket. And when it overflows, that’s when anxiety, irritability, and exhaustion take over.

With one-to-one support, I began adding small drains to let the stress out. I started problem solving instead of just coping. I found a tiny job, just two hours a week, that gave me space outside of family life and helped me rebuild my confidence and finances.

I stopped living on coffee, chose to co-sleep with my exclusively breastfed daughter so we both slept better, and made breaks non-negotiable.

I started doing less and being more mindful of my energy — asking myself, “What can I realistically do today?” instead of “What’s left on the list?”

Rebuilding from the inside out

Those changes weren’t dramatic, but they added up. Slowly, I started to feel steady again — calmer, clearer, more myself. My shoulders softened. My thoughts slowed down. I began enjoying moments with my children instead of just enduring them.

That’s what healing looks like — not a total life overhaul, but a series of quiet choices that tell your body and mind: You’re safe now. You can rest.

Trust yourself

If something doesn’t feel right, trust that voice.

You don’t have to accept exhaustion and anxiety as the price of motherhood. Sleep deprivation, constant giving, and no time to recover aren’t “normal” — they’re red flags that your stress bucket is too full.

Every other full-time carer gets respite. Mums deserve it too.

It’s okay to need space. It’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay to put your wellbeing first — not because it’s indulgent, but because it’s essential.

Finding my way forward

That season taught me that self-care isn’t wishy-washy — it’s how we rebuild our strength, one small, practical step at a time.

Now, through New Mum Wellness, I share the simple tools and checklists that helped me move from survival to steady — so other mums don’t have to wait until they’re empty to start feeling like themselves again.

What's in your stress bucket right now?

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